I’ve been just exhausted this week. Angela made me diner, Mediterranean chicken pasta, and we tried to watch the Frontline special on Born Again George, but we kept getting disgusted so we were flipping between Queer Eye and the insane guy. I fell asleep well before nine and had……

Free floating anxiety dream on this the last day of Mercury in retrograde.

In my dream I am driving into the ville to work on a house that I am living in with Brad and Erica. I have a ton of work to do on the house over the weekend so I stop off at a place called Skills and use my last forty dollars to rent some tools. I rent a drill and several saws, like tree limb saws. I have to sign a rental contract holding me liable for the tools. I then go “home” which is a new dream location – a run down house that is trashed and full of insects. I spend a good portion of the dream cleaning and killing large bugs, the two most significant would be a black praying mantis and a golden scorpion, I don’t kill these, but carefully put them out in front of the house – at one point I put little hand cuffs on the black mantis and make it fly in circles – I think I am the Mantis. The scorpion has personal resonance as a representation of our dual nature, good and bad we are what we are, to deny part or all of our nature is a “sin”. When I take the scorpion out front I notice that the lead singer of the Aaron Russell band, Aaron Russell of course, has set up across the street and is practicing a solo show. I go over to watch & I have all the tools with me, I ask if I can set them down in the back of his truck and listen to him – which is what happens, but as he packs up and leaves for his gig I forget the tools. As he’s pulling out he says, “finders keepers” and I spend the rest of the dream chasing Aaron Russell around the ville, talking to his wife on a cell phone, and generally in pursuit mode trying to get the tools back; which he has no doubt sold. I am constantly judged by Aaron’s friends over how high strung I am. They shake their heads and roll their eyes regarding how fucked up my priorities are and how much suppressed anger I am carrying. I’m not listening to the music. At one point I am asked to sing a karaoke duet and I suck, so they stop halfway through – Aaron’s friends put me through a course of trials in quest for the tools and this is one of them. Miner details – people from outside the dream keep calling and offering advice, Erica’s boyfriend Justin buys her a puppy, which is quite cute. Sebastian is stressed out and keeps going to the bathroom in the house (which is also my waking reality, I just had to steam clean a small section of carpet). Ah well, off to work. I get paid today! I pay Rent today. My car tags expire today, which means oil change, emissions test, personal property tax, and the license renewal fee. Broke again and I just got paid. Sate Tax refund, where oh where can you be?

The Meaning

Ok, I think I lack the tools and I am chasing them down, I’ve rented the tools with my last forty dollars. The tools have been stolen by a musician; by an artist. I am overextended and I have to use different kinds of tools, interpersonal tools, to get the physical tools to improve my life, but I am too exhausted and not spontaneous enough to do that well. I feel trapped. I’m going in circles. The energy all around me is dirty and needs a good cleaning. Erica’s boyfriend will soon buy her a dog.