Dreams:

I am married to some unknown woman with dark hair. She and Erica are meeting at our house, which is of course my childhood home – recurring location. They are planning to head downtown to meet my ex for drinks and are taking her the present of a pet “dogfish.” The “dogfish” looks like my pleco, but is narrower in front and has a think back body sort of like a seal. They do not have the fish in water and it is breathing through very flexed gills like a mud puppy. I suggest that they take this fish in a small tank which I know that my ex with recognize as the centerpiece from Paul’s wedding. I suppose it would be a nice gift.

This glass rectangle used to have a beta in it with a small bamboo garden until, against her advice, I put the beta in my community tank – where it has happily spent the last two years. We would fight about dumb things like that. At one point I covered the bottom of the centerpiece with river stones and put it inside my community tank – so that there would be a fish tank inside the fish tank, and my fish in the tank could watch fish in the tank if they wanted to. I called it my meta-tank due to the additional level of frames, but I got bored with it and switched things around (it was also a pain when I needed to change water and a tiger barb died in a water change that went bad).

In my dream I go to get the centerpiece down from the shelf and discover that there is already water in it. Ted, the fish that I had to flush after he got jacked a few weeks back, was swimming in a way that indicated hunger. I was happy to see him alive and quickly got him food. I then sent him on with the girls to my ex.

What does it mean to be visited by a ghost fish and to then gift the ghost to someone who has become as a ghost in my life? I guess I’m just processing the feelings that were dredged up this weekend. The thing is, I am not sure how I am processing them just as I am never sure how I really feel about our demise as a couple. Two mixologists get mixed up together and when you separate things out you are left with mixed feelings. Relief and loss seem to be the primary features. Ah well, there you have it. I am having a rummage sale and giving a great deal of stuff to the Salvation Army. Perhaps I’ll put my innate sentimentality into that centerpiece and see if I can unload it at the sale.