A few weeks ago Jes and I delved into the world of growing orchids. We got two orchids – Phalaenopsis Amabilis – (long life) – which has a white blossom with yellow hints in the interior and Phalaenopsis Schilleriana B#10 – which has a mixed purple and white blossom and a leopard spotted interior. They are both native to the Philippines, Indonesia and New Guinea. Our tags say Java on them so I guess that solves that riddle.

The word on the street is that new “enthusiasts” kill their orchids by over watering them, so we are resisting the temptation. They do seem to like the humidity level in the bathroom. They like their water in mist form. These are low light plants I’ve recently learned – so the front room where they were may have had too much light.

We went to the orchid show at the Missouri Botanical Gardens this afternoon. It was overcast so the colors didn’t pop in the greenhouse like I remembered from previous shows. Still, everything was just as vaginal as I had recalled. Yes – I typed “vaginal”. Orchids just seem to scream vagina to me and I don’t think I’m alone on that front. This always makes the orchid show extra odd because they always add a theme.

A few years back the theme was the native women of Gauguin’s Tahiti – and that made sense. There were all these cardboard cut outs made from computer scans of the paintings – or maybe they were wooden and actually painted by an interpretive artist. Anyway, the theme was kinky, but it worked. I guess the subtext was “exploitation of all things tropical”.

This year’s theme is Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. The vague mixture of organic sexuality and children’s literature is just too Lewis Carroll. If you figure in all the photographers descending on the tableaus I think you’ve got a pretty loud echo of neurotic Victorian soft core. That’s the problem with us cultural studies folk, you can’t take us anywhere.

If it’s any consolation to putting you through those “readings” of the orchid show, we joined the garden at a family rate so that when our friends come to visit we can get everyone in for free. We were even thinking about getting married in the Japanese Garden, but the destination wedding is still on the table. Do you want to go to Jamaica for Thanksgiving?