Jingle some bells, dammit, I need cheer!

Today it's 1 month till Christmas. For quite a few years now I've suffered depression around the holidays. I don't know exactly when I became a humbug, but I nearly ruined our first (married) Christmas together when I failed to pick up on Karl's hints and enthusiasm about the season. Our second year (last year!) I did much better. Whether because of my guilt over the previous year's disasters or my excitement about the coming years events, I was very nearly jolly. Well, maybe not jolly, but I felt much better than I had for many a Christmas-past.

This year I'm a little worried. With the glorious fall (I credit Karl for the weather - wherever he is I think he's pulling strings) so rare for us, and all the madness and everyday mayhem of single-parenting a toddler, it's kind of crept up on me. Maybe that's good?

All I know is I hope I'm able to present Christmas to Elliot in a way Karl would love. I don't want to be sad - I don't want him to pick up on it. I want to be merry to make sure it's a beautiful, exciting, magic time for him, just like it was for his dad.

So spread what cheer you can and make the season bright - I'll be looking for the merry and trying my best to take it in.