Thursday, February 26, 2009

So it's my half-birthday today I guess. I only realized that because I was thinking about the 6monthiversary of Karl's death this week, and it occurred to me that my birthday followed very shortly after. In the list of things that sort of bother me, there's a wish to know what he would have done to celebrate with me. I'm sure things were starting to take shape in his mind - who he'd invite, what he'd cook - but ever the procrastinator, he still had 3 days, so to the best of my knowledge he hadn't made a firm plan or purchased a gift. That would wait till about 3 hours before the deadline...

I'm sure he was torn between getting me a little villa in the south of France, or maybe an original Van Gogh, or perhaps a toaster. Or socks. I made a conscious and deliberate decision to spend my birthday in denial. I hadn't even been able to see him yet, so I made everybody pretend he was still with us, only couldn't be *with* us for the birthday party due to some lame excuse. Maybe he had papers to grade. Yeah, I know, that would NEVER keep him from a party, but like I said, I was in denial.

I was (and am) so grateful to my friends and family for being in denial with me - for helping me keep my birthday happy, and doing their best not to let me cry that day. 6 months later, I still don't know how I'll feel next time it rolls around, heck, I don't know what I'll feel 6 minutes from now, but I know I'm deeply grateful for the support I have. If I seem strong, it is simply a reflection of the strength and love around me. Many thanks and much love to all.


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