I started a post the other day - it was all about bad dreams and anxiety. Or anxiety dreams and bad sleep. In short, me with terminal cancer leaving E an orphan and nobody wanting him, my house burning down with all my memories inside - and my neighbors' houses as well, and all of it my fault.... Bad dreams.

Then, I thought maybe I'd skip that post. Too downtrodden for the holidays.

Instead, I'll tell you about my first 3 photos for 365. First was the very first height marker on Elliot's door frame. Jan. 1, 2009 - A new year, a new way to measure his growth. Second is a broken bowl - A little photo about loss, and things we keep to remind us of our families. I dropped a stack of bowls, and this one had been my grandmother's. I photographed it on the dining room chair that was my mother's, which I will probably get rid of as soon as I find a new set. My mother remembered licking batter out of the bowl - I remember building forts with the chair. Both are broken now, but I wanted to give them a nod of respect as objects which help us hold our memories. Third is fish - I bought 2 new fish (not pictured). This was something of a 'step' for me, i think, in healing. The aquariums were Karl's thing - I'd had fish in the past, but always felt incompetent and like a fish-killer. The last 2 months I've made an effort to keep the tanks clean and healthy, and they seem to be thriving. Adding fish was a way for me to hold on to Karl a little.

More photos to come. See them at Flickr.