Fuck it:

John Woo’s got a flight of doves in every freaking scene. Why should I be any different?

Holy Shit! Has anyone seen my livelihood? I could swear I had it just a minute ago, it’s gotta be around here someplace!

I am really not sure where to start. I’m having, as Jen says in her blog, quite an interesting month. We can quibble about definitions, and I’ll do that later at length, but essentially and for all practical purposes I got fired on Friday right before my scheduled trip to Kirksville (which was a biblical epic of shamanic underworld interloping). Of course I went anyway and had a fabulous time in the bosom of friendship.

Don’t drop your popcorn gentle reader. This change is a very good thing. I’ve needed out of the ‘land of the new age’ for a very long time and a paycheck is not the reason to stay when you don’t believe in what you’re doing. When you can no longer hide your contempt it’s time to go. I am accepting offers by the way.

There are lots of very good things about my (former) workplace and the good that happens in the world because of it, I just don’t happen to belong there. I’ve been a round peg in square hole for a paycheck for a very long time. Niceties aside, they have no idea what it is exactly that I do. This is because I do everything, from purchasing the toilet paper to writing the press releases. I am “where the rubber meets the road.” I am, or was, the bridge from administrative decision to practical action.

There has been an attitude of “what did he do today” that stems essentially from a personality conflict and the afore mentioned desk for health care scandal of a few months back, but I’m just going to drop that line of inquiry for now. Don’t worry, we’ll come back to that at length I am sure.

It will require at least two, if not more people, to replace me. When my father left Concordia they hired four men to replace him. They are going to have a hard time of it, and without serious consulting fees I do believe the cell phone will be off. We all feel indispensable, don’t we? And of course we aren’t. The world was already in progress without us and there will be new programming long after we’re gone.

I have (had) very nice coworkers who have my best interests (& the company’s) at heart. We had a long conversation in which it was made clear that I have been perceived as not liking my job for some time. My own experience of not liking my job very much bears this out. “If we could figure out a way that you could be happy here, you could work here until the day you die. But let’s face it, we all know you belong somewhere else and your heart just isn’t here.” So, am I fired or did I quit under duress? Was it an intervention? It felt like a workplace intervention, “We know you’re done with this place, you know you’re done with this place, we want to stay friends and maintain our personal relationships, so maybe it’s time for you to move on.”

Ah ha, having fired many people over the past few years at capricious request, I was finally and karmicly rewarded by being asked essentially to fire myself. I gave myself two weeks notice and asked myself to complete a training manual for my successor.

We agreed that it would be best for me if I left and they will give me a stellar recommendation on all fronts. I can tell people whatever I want. Apparently I am telling people that there was an intervention for my benefit that resulted in the firing of my ass by my ass. I don’t exactly need a recommendation for any purpose I can think of. I am going back to academics and will probably end up bartending or consulting (both) until that happens, so something to think about. My recommendations would not come from this employer, who might even be a liability as all things “new age” do lack a certain official credibility, despite the nice shiny title of Administrative Coordinator that I gave myself a few years back.

How much should I care about being beholden to an ex employer? Should I write the book? Oh hell, it’ll write itself eventually. Or people can go rent Donnie Darko. That sums things up fairly well. Thank you Donnie for aptly calling bullshit on that particular aspect of the new age.

OK, we then negotiated an end date – the end of this month. That’s right, I’ve been fired and I am going to work tomorrow (today) for the people who fired me because I need the money and the “stellar recommendations.” Gotta pay rent sistah. “I recommend that you pay rent.” You see, that is a stellar recommendation.

Mary, “They fired your ass because you’re not a true believer and that’s what they want.”

Yeah, I’m not so into the new age cult psuedo science syncretism when there isn’t a paycheck attached to it. I am sympathetic, but still sort of rational. You must admit, as mass hallucinations go there are definitely some interesting talking points. So there you have it.

-All deleted portions of this post will be printed when deemed appropriate by my handlers.-