I saw Keri threaten Jen and I knew I was next...
So to avoid immanent and eminent mortality, three things about me:

Three names you go by:
Karl
Monkey
Carlito Bandito

Three screen names you have:
Fulcrum monkey
Small hat monkey
Factotem4

Three things you like about yourself:
Vanity: Samson quaff of the Nazarene
Personality: I seem to attract good friends
Dubious: On some days I'’m smarter than the average bear

Three things you dislike about yourself:
Vanity: beer depository
Personality: Hamlet like propensity for stasis
Dubious: tedious drunken Scotsman homunculi who ride me like Haitian Loa

Three parts of your heritage:
French Canadian, Irish, German

Three things that scare you:
The tenuous nature of life
Bank balances
Fear (come on, get meta with me)

Three of your everyday essentials:
Long hot shower
Dog time
Beverages – coffee, gin, water, tea, liquids in general – I'’m a water guy trying to keep my air nature clean – the water thing in Big Fish makes tactile sense to me

Three things you are wearing right now:
JC Penny gray and white button down –
Old ripped up, holes in the knees blue jeans
A thick brown double buckled leather belt from Land’s End in Woodbury Minnesota

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
Sade
Men at Work
Dizzy Gillespie

Three of your favorite songs at present:
Sade: I Couldn'’t Love You More (off Love Deluxe)
Men at Work: Down by the Sea (off Business as Usual)
Dizzy Gillespie: A Night in Tunisia
(off Dizzy Gillespie and The United Nation’s Orchestra live at The Royal Festival Hall)

Three things you want to do in the next 12 months:
Get a freakin job
Start a work of fiction
Make a livable life

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Laughter
Acceptance
Surprises

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:
Necks - Jesus what a clavicle
Smell - mmmmmmmm we have different immune systems don't we?
Lips - Yup

Three things you just can't do:
Total body mitosis
Levitation
Spin the earth backward like Superman doing the time warp to save Lois (let’'s do the time warp again!)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Fish in captivity
Art in captivity (museums)
The arrangement of social occasions (friends in captivity) with consumables, be they animal, mineral, or vegetable (I am the very model of a modern major general)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Get a job
Keep a job
Get paid

Three careers you're considering:
1. Freelance writer 2. who bartends 3. and teaches on the side

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Cuba
China
Alaska

Three things you want to do before you die:
Have a family of my own – with kids and a wife and all that stuff (surprise)
Have a short story published in The New Yorker
Matter …then density

People who have to do this meme or die:
Ted – where is your blog Ted? Where were you on New Years? Off the sidelines Ted. In the game. Robin – same thing-blogging novels often start as bloggs. Columbia Michelle: – find a pseudonym you can live with and we'’ll pretend we don’t know who you are. What are you waiting for?