Thursday, September 24, 2009

they say the second year is harder than the first. i know they say a lot of things, but sometimes i think they may get it right.

the first year, everybody's there. they check up on you - they sympathize. they offer help. it's almost overwhelming the cocoon of support that surrounds you. but then life starts to go back to 'normal' (whatever that is).

wednesday would have been out third anniversary. it was a pretty quiet day here, and felt a lot like any other day. i had to work in the evening, so i tried to get a full day of fun in with Boo before i dropped him off with grandma. i avoided the places we really were that day - the botanical gardens, soulard, the bevo. not that there's many options for hanging at the latter two, but it seemed like maybe we should stick to new things.

we'd never gone to the 'ruins' at tower Grove, so i took him there. he chased ducks. he climbed on rocks. he ran in the grass, and played peek-a-boo in the drooping vines of the willow tree. all in all it was a lovely time.

i thought about my friends a lot, and honestly i was surprised nobody really called to check on me. at the end of the night, after work, i gave one of my third degree friends a ride home.

"self pitty moment." i announced, as we walked to the car. i told him what day it was, and how nobody checked up on me. he reminded me that it's not a day friends typically do remember or make a big deal out of (true.) and that i'm handling things really well, so people don't see me as needy (perhaps true as well) and so don't feel like the need to check in.

i just want to say this - while it may be true that i'm dealing with everything pretty well, part of the reason is you - my friends and family. your little encouragements - a note on FB, a text just to say hi, a phone call just to chat or catch up - really help keep me going.

i'm not trying to say i'm upset that you didn't call. i'm trying to say how much i appreciate it that you continue to support me.

i don't mean to wallow, and i hope it doesn't come off that way.

i mean to say Thank You. for getting me this far.

that is all.


Blogger blacirsh said...

you know we love you dearly jes and many of us would chop off a limb if we thought it would help you or the munchkin. Im crap at remembering any dates... and totally spaced that one. we are all so impressed with how you have dealt with things and I secretly wonder if I could have pulled it off with half your grace and resiliancy(sp?). please know i do think about you guys pretty much daily even if im too big a bum sometimes to pick up the phone. miss you much

3:15 PM  

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