I didn't know i had gmail set to record chats. Most of my chatting with Karl was on FB, but it turns out I have some saved conversations on gmail too. They made me so happy, I have to share. An unexpected Christmas present from Google.

12:07 PM Karl: meep

12:08 PM whatever happened to our cheap hotel rooms? Do we still have that?

me: erm, i dunno

Karl: we should find out

me: i think at least one expired

Karl: and go somewhere

and snuggle

in a cheap hotel

me: when when when???

Karl: my lovely wife

me: :)

12:09 PM Karl: sometime soon

me: do you have a spring breal?

break?

Karl: The friday and Monday

four day weekend

but that's not until April

12:10 PM me: hmmm

Karl: It's only March tomorrow

me: well..... any sooner long weekends?

Karl: nope

12:11 PM it's a shitty term

the kids have the twelf off

but I have a work day

me: doesn't leave much snuggle time

12:12 PM Karl: nope

me: and me turning into an elephant and all

Karl: are you swelling?

me: my jeans don't fit today

Karl: Have you been on the scale

?

time to go shopping

12:13 PM me: i've lost weight acc. to the scale

2 lbs

Karl: maybe the ababy is eating you

me: eeeek!

Karl: hehehehehehe

12:14 PM me: baby's in my belly = shouldn't be eating me

bad baby

12:15 PM Karl: hehe

I am being a bad daddy

I should be grading

me: uh oh

Karl: but I am not

so sad

12:16 PM me: no, you are allowed a little time off

to chat up your wife

Karl: ok

me: ergh. bellyache.

12:17 PM Karl: what are you up to today?

are you going to the safehouse?

I tried to clean a little this morning so that the place would devolve so fast

cleaning up after myself I mean

12:18 PM me: i'll go in to safehouse this afternoon

after lunch

12:20 PM Karl: I emailed Liz about the thing next Friday at the Scottish arms

she told me to tell you hello

12:21 PM me: i tell her hello in return

Karl: are we doing Vanessa's tonight?

me: I think so - are we not?

Karl: I just remembered it

I'm up for it

12:22 PM me: should be fun - she really wants to have more people time

12:23 PM Karl: yes

me: if I add the cheese knives to mom's order

and dill stuff

that puts us over 300

but then what do we buy???

12:24 PM aaaaaaaahhrrggg?

Karl: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

12:26 PM Honey, I don't know... oh, the apple peeler for my folks

as a gift for their 50th

me: ok

that's what we'rll do

12:27 PM Karl: are you sure?

are there more fun options?

12:28 PM me: i'm looking

Karl: ok

11 minutes

12:40 PM me: ok

i don't teach math either

i'm clearly on crack

Karl: were we ok

on the numbers?

me: i added them the other night

and came up with totally different numbers

now i only have $250

12:41 PM Karl: double check everyone's orders

12:42 PM Mom, Sue, Vanessa, Mellissa, us, Terry, Julie

all there?

me: yep

12:43 PM i'm adding item by item

Karl: did we buy two of everything?

me: and nowhere near 300

groan

12:44 PM which is fine

i just get $0 in stuff

er

$10

12:45 PM whatever

Karl: pyramid schemes have great pyramid appeal cause they're made with consumer demands that are real....

to the tune of tater skins

12:46 PM me: stupid pyramid

12:47 PM i'm just getting the cheese set at $10 off

Karl: ok

ok, must work

c u late

12:48 PM r

me: k.

28 minutes

1:16 PM Karl: meep

meep

1:17 PM meeple

me: mooop

Karl: zweeply

I am so bad

me: zoooooooba

Karl: I got nothing done in my prep

me: bad bad bad

Karl: yeah well

1:18 PM I have first hour prep tomorrow

that rocks for getting work done

me: it'll all work out

it usually does

Karl: third hour prep you are already exhausted

I'm not worried

I'm smerply

me: oooh. shmerply. i see.

1:19 PM Karl: somewhere there is a little us growing

I dreamt about frogs last night

me: itty bitty tadpole

Karl: I dreamt we had a little aquatic frog

1:20 PM maybe we should get one

those dog watering things are on sale at petsmart

I think I'll get one on my way home

I also have to stop at ITT

me: ok

Karl: for some paperwork

me: i have to call a doctor

i'm all nervous

1:21 PM Karl: Tempe or Sandy?

me: start with tempe beause she sent me a name

Karl: ok

the bell will ring soon

and then I must teach

me: diiiing

1:22 PM Karl: soon

not yet

three minutes

or sooooooo

me: ooh. gniiiid

Karl: all our fish seem so happy

I watched them all last night before you got home

me: were they smiling?

1:23 PM Karl: singing actually

me: that's pretty happy

1:25 PM Karl: there's the bell

I must salivate now

c u

Mom kept Elliot last night. I taught for a friend at Third Degree, who had to go home for her grandfather's funeral. I'm not very good at nights alone. I cry more when Elliot's not in the house.

I had one of those dreams that is so happy it hurts to wake up. I was pregnant, and Karl was alive. We were staying with my grandmother in Arkansas. She's really been gone for years now, but there she was, so excited about my baby, and full of questions about Elliot. She stood at her kitchen table sorting through hand made baby clothes - tiny little sweaters and socks...

I remember sitting on her couch, my hand on my belly. I remember that full, solid, melon like quality, and the comfort of feeling the baby move. I said "I hope it's a girl," but I didn't really. Even as I said it, I knew it was another boy, and I was glad.

I was due in October. Elliot and his baby brother would have close birthdays. They'd be three years apart.

That had always been my plan.